This Just Sucks

4th and 5th graders + 26 boys and girls + Valentines Day = weirdness all around!

Yesterday, I spent a few hours with 25 of my sons’ classmates.
Observing these strange creatures at work within their framework of “playground politics” had me thinking about us. I’m talking about US as adults and our ability/inability to love right.
Love is a funny thing, it’s something we all need and desire, it’s something God commands us to do, and it’s something that is so confusing, misunderstood, misused and taken for granted. Love is spoken, shared, grown, expressed, denied, painful, free and/or costly, wonderful and/or tragic, withheld, and implied. The word love is mentioned in the NIV bible 508 times. Words such as ‘loves’ and ‘loved’ bring that number up to 697. (wiki.answers.com) so there’s defiantly something to be said about it right!

Here’s some of what WE say…

“I love peanut butter”
“I love the smell of the first rain after a dry season”
“I love this T.V. show”
“I love your hand bag”
“I love it when my laundry’s caught up”
“I love that color on you”
“I love Christmas lights”
“I love Trader Joes”

How often do we say such comments without realizing the emptiness and power we take away from such an awesome thing; LOVE. It’s something to think about anyways (for me at least). Has it simply become a habit of our culture to throw the word around depreciating loves value or do we really mean it? Does it happen everywhere, within all languages? Have we been doing this forever? Does it make anyone else cringe as it does me? Do I REALLY LOVE Trader Joes? Maybe……maybe I do! Maybe that’s okay too; I do love a good bargain! hehe. I have no definitive statement about our human tendencies to throw the word love around like popcorn; it’s just odd to me when I really give it thought. All this came about as I interacted with and observed the strange creatures of Rm. 102 and their Valentines Day treatment of others.

The classroom was rearranged and decorated for a pink, red, and heart themed party.
The class list was sent home on Friday with clear instructions to make a card for everyone and to bring a shoe box decorated to receive the valentines in. Added to the list were the class teachers, principle, vice principle, janitor, and secretaries (They ARE wonderful!). There also was a name I did not recognize so my son informed me he is the ‘cool kid in the wheelchair” that is brought into the classroom a few times a week so that he “has friends.”

Do you remember Valentines Day? I do. I remember my mom yelling at me because I wanted to add an extra o in the name Brook, like this--Broook. I thought it was way cooler to have 3 o’s and not just a boring 2 o’s. Anyone could see it was! But this made her so furious and so impatient with me. I remember in elementary school having NO CLUE what the “Be Mine” part of it all meant. I didn’t get all a twitter or nervous. I saw it as a perfect avenue to show off my excellent hand printing, mad crafting skills and how cool was it that I got to keep them ALL. All those shinny little cards with mini envelopes and stickers and glitter and sweet pictures. It was perfect I tell you.

That is NOT how it goes down now for 4th and 5th graders. It’s a mean popularity contest, a chance to exclude the kid that needs a belt (his butt IS always hanging out) a time to be bossy and ungrateful, a time to feel left out, ignored and unwanted. Here’s a bit of what I saw happening yesterday.

Before the teacher announced it time to hand out the cards, one kid lined up their valentines “on display” for all to walk by the desk and search for their name. The set up looked more like a shop actually. Instead of handing the cards out, the kid shouted over all the chatter each kids name in the order of best friend and then down the mental list of importance for them to “step up” and receive their card. The later ones to be called weren’t even handed theirs, they had to search for their name and take it off the table themselves. Honestly, I wanted to take this kid out of the classroom by their ear and “have a talking” on just how rude they were behaving, but I didn’t feel like getting my butt beat by their father, so I chose to instead say a prayer for that one.

Most of the girls only brought cards for their friends (other girls) which left the boys receiving a small handful of Star Wars valentines from their buddies. Three girls seem to hold the majority of the boys’ interest and were inundated with cards, candy and stinky pre-teen boys jostling for their attention. There was the group (albeit small) of boys and girls that had no ideal why their peers were acting so weird about it all and didn’t their friends even care that they were missing recess! (I was relieved to see my son still belonged to this group) And then there was the boy who hovered over the treat table and scarfed down 4 cupcakes and sucked down 3 Capri Suns before I signaled to the teacher to maybe go and let him know he’s had enough.

One kid filled his cards out so thoughtfully.
To: you
From: me
His classmates were not impressed.

Some kids didn’t have any to offer and looked so defeated when the teacher announced it time to hand them out. One kid ran around the room shouting out just how many they had and wanted to compare the numbers with the others only to rub it in every time that they had more. The absent peers’ valentines were either left all over the classroom because there was no shoe box with their name or they were tossed into the garbage can. That was too much for me to witness, so I did step in. I encouraged them take them out of the trash and start a pile for their absent friends. (Because that was the “nice thing’ to do, Holy Cow, did I really have to say that to them!!). And the notorious class bully felt bitter justice when they received not a single card. This kid came and sat down next to me and asked what I would do if somebody gave everyone else a card, but I didn’t get any. I looked intently at this overgrown 5th grader and answered, “My feelings would be hurt, I would have to ask myself why no one gave me any, I would see that the way I treat people matters and I would start treating others how I wanted to be treated.” The kid looks at me and says, “This just sucks”. I agreed that yes, it did suck, but that they could change that. An eye brow was suspiciously raised and the student walked away.

I left the classroom feeling all mixed up. Why are kids so mean? I’m so glad to not be all tangled up in those emotions and the need for validation. Valentines Day is stupid. Why do we do this to our kids, set them up to feel left out? Set them up to behave poorly to each other? Why do we have them believe passing out little commercial cards one day a year is how we tell someone we love them or even more importantly that we don’t love them? Bleh!

My son came home and told me that the “cool kid in the wheelchair” only got one card….from him….and how sad that was because “he’s really cool mama, and he’s a part of the class too! And he totally needs the cards more than anyone else ever did because most the kids just ignore him.”

I couldn’t agree more son.
(I love him) and reminded him how perfect Gods love for us is. Thank God.

Here I Go

Writing a blog has been no random, impulsive act on my part.
I’ve spent hours “researching” how to best blog. (whatever that means)
I’m frequently asked, “Sooo how’s the blog coming along?”
To get the full effect of this question, read it real slow.
You see, it’s just that me and blogging feels quite complicated.
For at least a year I have wrestled with the idea.

Here are a few of the reasons behind “the wrestle”…

• I can’t have all my business out there for just anyone to see!
• It’s not the right time.
• So and so would be upset to see I’m writing about them.
• How do I write about truth when the truth is still actively being hidden?
• No one would want to read it, why bother?
• I’m way too private of a person.
• I have nothing important to share.
• I’m too new in my walk with God; I’ll come across as silly.
• Why share my inner thinkings when I don’t fully understand them myself?
• I’m not brave enough.
• I’ll run out of things to share.

I didn’t number my reasons in this list, so to be nice-I’ve counted for you.
There are 11.
Of these 11 reasons for not (more like putting off) blogging…

6 – are downright hilarious if you knew me
5 – I REALLY don’t care (anymore)
7 – simply aren’t true
5 – I still wrestle with
1 – is 100% bound to happen
7 ½ - I’m willing to risk
5 – I REALLY don’t care (this one is worth repeating)

See here’s some of what motivates me…

My complete desire to pour my faith into God
Being a voice others resonate with
Every day being and expressing gratitude
Being vulnerable because then I am being real
Truth being spoken
Seeing the lessons in my face plants (there are many)

Wow, I almost sound perfect by this list!
As I start opening up through writing you will be privy to my struggles, heartaches, sense of humor, random distracting thoughts, celebrations, and mundane rants. You may very well forget that short list I just wrote out about what motivates me and that’s alright, because the list is more for me than you anyways.
All of my reasons behind “the wrestle” are clearly excuses.
Some will clearly induce “tricky feelings” and possible adult tantrums and I’m sure I’ll hear about them….but that’s alright too. I’m not out to harm, damage or upset anyone. I’ve got tons to share and a gazillion to learn.
Get to know me.
I invite you.
I dare you even.