I Have a Partner

Look at this little cutie pie. I remember the exact moment I was given this doll. Her name was Baby Beth and I was her mommy. From early on I knew I would be a mama. I did NOT know I would be mothering alone. I am single mom and it's hard. (just putting that out there right away) I first wanted to write it sucks, but really....it doesn't. It does however feel beyond impossible at times, like when I'm forced to drag my fevered child on a bus shoving him past the driver fast enough so that the moment I remove the bag from his face is NOT the moment he throws up ON the driver. In moments like these, it's really uncool having to apologize, exit said bus, and then wait for the next one because he Really needs to see a Dr.(and if we are too late to the appointment we will be turned away and the trip out was worthless) I could give many fine examples on how being a single mama is difficult and how the role sometimes feels like a reality smack.  But I think I'll spare you the details.

                                        

Happy to report one thing, the sting from the smack is beginning to fad. This picture here to the left is me at the age of 12. Moments to myself were far and few in between growing up....(humm just like now...doing this mama job).

My whole life was about to change drastically (forever) right at this time in my life. I look at this picture and think of that hind sight is 20/20 saying. The 20/20 vision I see with now, wishes I could have had the knowledge and understanding to clearly scream at this lonely hurting girl -
"Brook - remember you are not alone, you are loved, you have purpose, lessons and successes that are unknown!" 



                                                                                                                   Ecclesiastics 11:5 As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mothers womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. 


This precious child here is standing maybe 50 ft from the same spot in the back yard, where the above picture of his mama was taken. How was I to know I'd make a series of horrible choices, be placed into horrible situations that were out of my control and not know (horrible in it's own right) for most of the following 24? years that God's will was directing me in a story He had already written. It's a beautiful piece of writing, full of suspense, conflict, happy endings, warnings and even jam packed with clear instructions. The ending IS my favorite. All the chapters in front of the conclusion build upon the next. He's written a sort of love letter that has my name in the subtitle.
The title is reserved for Gods name!

The way I talk about myself is not how He talks about me. The areas I am hardest on myself, he is kind. When I say I'm not interested, He trips me over and over again in the same "boring" mud puddle. How patient He has been with me! I do have a partner in this parenting, one more available than any of you married folks can ever expect to see in the life here on Earth we live. I've done nothing to deserve this (keep this or lose this partnership).......it's all God's love and Grace on me.......and as for the boy over there to the left......I treasure this creature gift.

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Yes, I've made mistakes, some so stupid no way would I share them here in this format. I don't feel punished, I'm not in trouble, I am forgiven. I am loved and through Him I am loving. This life (this new life) is still a mess. I am a hot mess technically. But I get to be one and know that I am safe, not abandoned, cared for, and blessed.



Do you know how rich I am? Do you know all the promises I have been promised?
1 Corinthians 2:9 "For no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived the wonderful things that God has prepared for those that love Him" 


See the has prepared? has been - past tense. That's good stuff right there friends!!

                                            Makes me just a little giddy too, little man

It's a real good thing we are wanted despite all of our differences. Yes, I am a single mama, I've been thoughtless and fierce, ignorant and memorable, dead wrong and way too silly, stubborn and meek, homeless, chased by a donkey and hurt myself arm wrestling, I've experienced thrill and absent mindedness, been too tired and wished, OH how I've wished I knew how to break dance. (it just looks so fun!)

God knows my desires, and from what I understand, he loves working those out for us....in His time, His will, His way.
Do I get to know what he has for me in this single parenting gig? Would it change anything if I did know? I like to think that God has me right where he wants me, right where he knows I need to be, and right where he's loving on me. I have faith that my desires are heard and honored.


       We're covered, we're good. We are not abandoned or unfavorable.